Slate offers its thoughts on the ‘unwelcome semi-hotness of Ted Cruz’s new beard’

We’re pretty sure Slate reached peak Slate with that horrible piece shaming anyone who was touched by that photo of former President George H.W. Bush’s service dog, Sully, keeping watch in front of Bush’s flag-draped casket.

The author noted that dogs have been known to eat their deceased owners, suggesting that were it an open casket, Sully might have been up there gnawing on the former president’s arm. Never mind that Sully was highly trained and deeply devoted to and loved by his master; that’s just human sentiment clouding your vision.

Honestly, we wouldn’t have been surprised if Slate had just shuttered after that hot mess, but no, the website is still up and running and tackling issues like Sen. Ted Cruz’s new beard.

Please … we must know these thoughts. Tell us, Christina Cauterucci:

I have no particular fondness for this subject and it brings me no pleasure to cover it. But as a truth-seeking journalist, I feel I must write what follows: Sen. Ted Cruz’s new beard looks great.

The Texas Republican first appeared in public with traces of facial hair just after Thanksgiving. Back then, the beard was just a shadowy, patchy mess that crept down his throat while wholly avoiding his chin. It looked a bit more professional in better lighting, but it reeked of desperation, too feeble and thin to do anything but serve as a physical manifestation of Cruz’s personality.

That all changed this week, when Cruz showed up in the Senate with a filled-out salt-and-pepper beard, giving his face a defined jawline and its first-ever hints of ruggedness and affability. The bloated, downy visage of a college debate team showoff is gone. A marginally less insufferable mug has arrived.

We’re so glad she unburdened herself and we’re sure you are too.


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